Feeling Off…The Challenges Of Separating…

My husband asked me earlier in the week if I could take the kids early so he could go and party with one of his friends. Keeping in the spirit of being cooperative, I agreed to take the kids. I figure there will be a time when the roles will be reversed and if I want my husband to be flexible with me, I need to be willing to act and be the same.

I couldn’t help but think to myself that he never “went out partying” while we were together and he seems to be eager to party now, which carried a sting. I moved on and keep reminding myself that things are the way they are supposed to be, or they wouldn’t be and I need to “let go and let God.”

This morning while I was browsing Facebook I noticed comments from friends we have in common about the fun they had hanging with my husband and his friend last night. This stung once again. There were so many times when I wanted my husband to take me out, date me, enjoy “being” and having fun with me, he rarely would…unless I was willing to do exactly and precisely what he wanted to do. The times he would invitee me to do things, it was either his agenda or not at all and usually I chose “not at all.” I’ve been invited to reggae concerts (I dislike reggae music), on bicycle rides, hunting and all kinds of other things I have absolutely no interest in.

The “victim” mentality in me can choose to make this about me when it’s not. and And, I feel is my lesson in this moment. It is no longer my business what my husband does for fun and I can’t live in the past. It’s in the past…it’s over and it can’t be changed. If he wanted to do those things with me, he would have. He didn’t, so he didn’t, we are no separated and planning on divorcing….easy. It is what it is. Can’t change what is.

It is what it is and I can choose to accept it and move on or I can sit in wallow in it, allowing it space in my head. From taking up space in my head, it would move to hurting my heart an my feelings. It’s damaging to my soul to choose to live in the past. We had our chance, 15 years of chances and now it’s over.

Today I choose to move along with my day and choose to enjoy my kids instead of sitting is sorrow. We are headed to the Phoenix Art Museum, which is a first to me. If I’m sitting in sorrow, wondering and making up stories in my own head of what did or didn’t happen, I merely drive myself crazy. It also keeps me from enjoying the time I have with my kids, and I wouldn’t wan to miss that for the world!

I’m so thankful I can choose to leave this behind me, after acknowledging my feelings, so I can enjoy my day. You have the choice to do the same and I Hope you do!

When we are living in another moment, we are missing the moment we are in. You can’t be present for two moments at the same time…so live in the one you have…it’s the only one you have control over.

I’m loving you…Big time!

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