This may seem silly to you, but these are things I’ve never done before and it’s kind of exciting to be learning them for the first time in my life… at 49 years old!
Since my husband and I split up on the first of March, I’ve had the “opportunity” to see how much he actually did for me and the family when he was here. The truth is, I was so busy being angry and resentful with how difficult I found things, I wasn’t paying attention to all the good stuff. What a shame!
When BBQ season arrived, I realized I had never stepped foot behind the BBQ before and didn’t know the first thing about BBQing. I didn’t even know how to light it. Now, I’m smarter than the average bear and it was easy enough to figure out, but it was something I’d never had to even think about before because it was always just handled…by my husband. (That guy who didn’t seem to pitch in enough for me at the time! Hmmm) I’m proud to say that my first attempt at chicken after a brief tutorial from my son was a success. I didn’t over or under cook it, it was perfectly seasoned and quite delicious! My husband always did a fine job behind the grill too and I have a new appreciation for all the time he spent melting in the sun watching our food on the grill.
As for blowing out the garage with the electric air blower… are you kidding me! I’ve never stood behind a blower or any other yard maintenance tool and I don’t know the first thing about operating them. That’s the truth and another neon flashing sign pointing out to me that I never had to do those things before, they were always handled and taken care of by my husband. Another one of those little things I hadn’t paid proper attention to. Have you ever worked a yard air blower before (if that’s even what they’re called…lol)? They blow a lot of air and I had dust/dirt blowing everywhere before I got the hang of it. That thing can get away from you, I was kind of laughing at myself as I appreciated what my husband did in the past and what I was doing at the moment.
Pssst…I don’t want to come across as a “princess” who is too good or unwilling to get her hands dirty, though I can’t stand to have dirt on my hands, who am I kidding. That’s not it at all. I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to care for my family. I just hadn’t had to do these sorts of things before because they were taken care of by my husband.
I think we can all get in to a space with our relationships where we focus on what frustrates us instead of what we appreciate. We forget to live in gratitude for all of the gifts we receive daily. Especially the gifts we forget we are receiving and take for granted will always be there. We forget that what we see is what we are focused on seeing. You can’t see what you’re not focused on and that’s a fact!
As my husband and I came closer and closer to wanting to be apart more than wanting to be together, it was easy to get wrapped up in all I couldn’t stand and didn’t like about him. It made it that much easier to support the story I had told myself. The story that this man wasn’t the man meant for me. The man I spent the last 20 years building a great life with!
The truth is that when I step back and think about it, if my husband was to find someone else, they’d be lucky to have him as a partner, he is a good man with many good qualities that I appreciate. There are still plenty of things that annoy the shit out of me about him, but I’m going to choose to look at what I appreciate vs. what I find aggravating and irritating. It makes for a happier life experience for all of us to focus on what’s right vs. what’s wrong. I’m not sure if it will save my marriage or not as we both agreed there was no turning back when we split, but I’m certainly willing to give anything a try that will keep my family together. The worst thing that can happen is my children experiencing their parents getting along instead of two people who can’t seem to get along. That feels like a huge WIN to me!