Be Careful What You Pray For

I recently switched up my evening prayer routine with a new prayer.  It’s the most simple prayer I’ve ever prayed, the effects were immediate and profound.  I certainly don’t think what I experienced was a coincidence.

I was watching OWN as I often do on the weekends and was listening to one of Oprah’s guests talk about her simple prayer.  It went like this “Show Me…” and that was it.  I thought how profound and potentially powerful, it leaves things wide open for God to be in charge. My belief system definitely supports God being in the drivers seat as often as possible. I just follow my gut and let life unfold as it may, experiencing all of it to the fullest.

My new prayer has six words. “Show me, guide me, lead me.” These six words my friends, are incredibly powerful and my faith is what got me through what I was shown.  Fortunately I’ve been on this journey awhile and knew not to expect rainbows, ponies, unicorns and glitter, so what I saw was really no surprise.  As I wrote in my book Life Lessons From An Imperfect Woman “Be careful what you ask for.  Ask God for patience and you’ll most certainly end up in a traffic jam.  Pray for financial freedom and don’t be surprised to find yourself broke. It’s all part of the process.”  I fully subscribe to the thinking that, that which is meant for my bad is really meant for my good and I’m quite comfortable with that, though I may not like what I must experience sometimes.  This time would be no different.

It wasn’t two weeks in to the new prayer that my husband and I decided to call it quits after 15 years of marriage.  We could both clearly see that no matter how hard we both said we were trying, it wasn’t working.  We both weren’t happy and we certainly didn’t look forward to seeing each other or spending time together.   Things became more clear than they had ever been before and what I could see didn’t hurt me as much as it relieved me.  I didn’t have “question” anymore, I knew it was the right thing to do, for all involved.  The most difficult part for me to admit to myself was that I had failed at my second marriage too.  I’m still working through that, but I’m in good spirits and so is my husband.  You can read about it here.

About a week after my husband and I made a final decision, I had a falling out with a friend of 36 years.  It was more like she had a falling out with me and I’m still not sure why, she didn’t tell me.  She’d clearly been holding some things back and wasn’t expressing her true feelings and it all went to shit on me!  (Sorry, just keeping it real.)  I thought we were arguing over money, maybe I was wrong and it was something else.  And, had I listened to my own rules about working with friends, I wouldn’t be in this situation…but I am and I can’t help but ask myself what life is trying to show me. The big lesson for me…don’t work with friends or family and… friends, family and money never mix well, so don’t mix them. Easily avoided…lesson documented and learned! Got it! (I’m not at all placing blame, and I don’t want to come off that way, I’m just acknowledging that it happened and it is what it is.  I can’t change what is and have learned from it)

In the same week, I got a friend suggestion on Facebook from a girl that looked strikingly identical to my own daughter.  She looked identical because it was her.  She had a fake Facebook account where she “could be her real self” without her parents watchful eyes.  It was disheartening and left more questions than answers. I do my best to keep my daughters safe from the dangers lurking out there in cyber space, smart phones and portable devices make it more challenging.  It also begged the question…If she would hide this, what else is she hiding?  If she feels she can’t talk to me and be her real self with me, where will she turn to be her real self?

All I could ponder was how to help her understand that she can trust me more than anyone and that the best place to be her authentic self is with me because I love her no matter what. I wasn’t angry, I was thankful for how smart Facebook is! It showed me what I needed to know so I could show up as the parent my daughter needed in that moment. I didn’t want to yell, I wanted to understand and guide her through it.

I saw more than I expected to see and my life has changed drastically over the last several weeks as a result. The journey ahead of me is filled with promise and Hope and I can’t wait for my feet to hit the floor in the morning to experience what the day has in store for me.

Please don’t feel sad about all I’ve seen over the last weeks, I’m bursting with enthusiasm about the moment I’m in and look forward to what’s in store.

This is gonna be good! I’ve got the inside scoop and trust me, there are big things on the horizon and I’m ready!

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